Separation is a difficult and emotional experience for anyone, but it is particularly challenging for couples who have children and shared property and finances. Here are some steps for making the process less stressful.

1. Talking to the Children

One of the toughest conversations is telling the children about the separation.

Children need to understand what is happening, especially since changes like one or both parents moving out of the family home will become apparent, but the level of information and detail shared with children will depend on their age, Younger children will need less information and detail then older children. Ideally, both parents should sit down together with the children to explain the situation.

It’s important to reassure children that both parents still love them and that they are not to blame for the split. The focus should be on practical matters like:

• - Where the children will live and how they will spend time with each parent.

• - Who will handle school pickups.

Things to avoid include:

• - Discussing the reasons for the separation.

• - Blaming or criticizing each other.

• - Being overly emotional in front of the children.

2. Informing Others?

Taking steps to inform key organisations about the separation is also one of the important first steps. Informing Centrelink of the change in your relationship status and living arrangements is crucial, as it may have financial implications, and it may also trigger eligibility for certain government assistance.

It is also important to inform the children’s daycare, schools and medical professionals.

Telling family and friends about the separation will also need to occur but this is something that can be done when it feels like the time is right, and you are ready.

3. Support and Care

Checking in on your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of your children is critical in the early stages of separation. If anyone is showing signs of distress or not coping, reaching out and engaging professional help is the best approach. There are a range of free and paid services that can provide post separation support.

4. Living Arrangements

Another important decision will be deciding on living arrangements, for example whether the family home is to be sold with both parents moving or whether one party will stay in the home while the other person leaves, or whether there will be a period of being separated under the same roof. A relatively new living arrangement that has become popular is birds nesting, where the children remain in the family home with the parents having rotating schedules in the family home with the children.

There is no one size fits all approach, and the best arrangement depends on the individual circumstances.

5. Talk to the Bank

If the family home is owned and subject to a mortgage, it is helpful to meet with your bank early on to understand your options in the short term and the long term.

In the short term it may be possible to ask your bank for a loan holiday (a temporary break from payments) while you sort out your living arrangements and long term plans for settlement. If your mortgage includes a redraw facility, you can request that joint signatures be required before any withdrawals can be made.

In the longer term, if you wish to retain the family home it is helpful to discuss your borrowing capacity with the bank. There’s no point in deciding to keep the family home if the bank won’t approve a loan to cover the mortgage on your own. You may also need to borrow more than the existing mortgage to make a cash payment to the other party.

6. Joint Bank Accounts

It’s common for couples to share at least one joint bank account. By law, both parties are entitled to the full amount in the account, not just 50%. If one partner withdraws the entire balance after separation, it is not illegal, and the bank will not be held responsible for this action. If you are concerned that your ex-partner may withdraw funds, contact the bank to freeze the account or require joint signatures for withdrawals.

If funds are withdrawn without consent and unilaterally used, the court may order that the amount be added back into the asset pool when a final financial settlement is made.

7. Identifying Assets and Debts

The starting point for facilitating a fair property and financial settlement is to identify all the assets and debts.

The Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) provides the legal framework for property settlements. "Assets" covers a wide range of assets, including your home, vehicles, furniture, shares, superannuation, businesses, and any financial resources like inheritances or compensation payments.

Liabilities include mortgages, personal loans, credit card debt and HECS debt.

Be thorough in documenting everything, including both individual and joint bank accounts. Make sure to gather supporting documentation like property appraisals, valuations, bank statements, and superannuation details.

While income is not considered property, it is important for determining your financial capacity, so tax returns for the last three years should also be included.

A family lawyer will be able to explain your entitlements to property / financial settlement, as contrary to common belief property is not simply split 50/50.

8. Get Advice from a Family Lawyer

During the separation process it is common to have questions. When you obtain information and advice from a family lawyer the process feels less daunting and overwhelming. As a starting point you can visit Lunch with a Lawyer and get free answers to your family law questions from a qualified family lawyer. Lunch with a Lawyer – Free Family Legal Advice